Vocal Sex: Communication as the Key to Better Sex
Communication with your partner is the key to enjoying better sex. This shouldn't be surprising, yet it is probably the most difficult part about being intimate with a partner. Many remain quietly dissatisfied, going so far as faking sexual satisfaction. You cannot expect your partner to know what feels good without as much as a cue, especially if you have never expressed any sort of dissatisfaction before.
The reluctance to talk comes from fear of rejection or that you will harm the other's feelings. But your partner may want to talk as well, but fears that they will be rejected or hurt you in turn. Even in a good and loving relationship where trust is important, sex is often a sensitive subject to most people. While difficult, creating an open dialogue about sex produces results that both can be happy about, resulting in a better relationship overall. Here are a few tips to keep in mind about talking to your partner.
Try writing down what it is that you want, whether it is in a letter to your partner or a list. You don't have to show it to them if you don't want to, but writing it out and seeing it on paper may clear up what you're thinking. It will force you to clear up any muddled thoughts. Ask yourself how your partner may interpret what you are trying to communicate - look at the points through their eyes. Broach the topic sensitively, and try not to simply communicate a list of complaints. Instead, phrase it as much as you can as suggestions you would like to try.
Decide when is the best moment for the talk, although keep in mind just before or after sex will probably not be the most desirable. Make sure you are alone, and that you have enough time to talk - don't just throw this out there ten minutes before either of you have to go out the door. Give your partner time to respond, or time to process if needed.
While you may still be shy about having a full-on discussion with your partner quite yet, you can give them some help by making indication during sex that you like something that they are doing, be it arching your back or a groan. Another exercise is to guide their hand with yours over it to show them something that you like.
Compromise is another important element of sexual communication, particularly in frequency of sex and particular acts that each partner finds satisfying. Remember that each party wants the other to enjoy themselves, and wants to know what is pleasing.
Don't expect instant results - sex is a process, as is good dialogue. But once dialogue is open, look forward to more frank discussions about what turns your partner on.
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